Stay With Me
by aheartmadefullmetal16
Summary: A gift for the-cookie-alchemist on tumblr for the 2016 Secret Santa. Nothing about their lives will ever be easy, but they'll always have each other to find shelter in.


Hey the-cookie-alchemist ! I was your Secret Santa for fullmetalsecretsanta and you asked for Royai angst, so here we go :)

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Riza does not ask for an explanation when Roy appears on her doorstep, completely soaked to the skin from the rain.

The hall of her apartment complex is quiet, and the sweet smell of petrichor envelops them both. Water drips onto her mat, but Riza doesn't care. She looks into Roy's eyes, and when she sees the desperation there, she instantly allows him in.

With exceeding care Riza helps him out of his soaked jacket, and grabs a towel from her bathroom. He seems drained, despondent even, and she can feel her heart straining within her. Gently she takes the towel and begins to wipe at his face and hair. The water from his hair drips down onto his skin and into his eyes, and it takes a moment for Riza to realize that not all those drops are from the rain.

In the wake of the Promised Day, this had almost become a routine. Despite everything that had happened, the rules were still in place, and so they could not risk going home together. They would sometimes talk about the mountains of paperwork before retiring to bed, and that was usually when the nightmares would come in all their fierce fury. There were no questions asked whenever one of them showed up on the other's doorstep. They knew.

"Which one?" Riza murmurs after a while, cradling his face in her hand, wiping away his tears with her thumb. Recently there had been a few nightmares that seemed to stick in both of their minds when they slept, and it was part of their routine to ask which of them had been plaguing them.

He leaned into her touch, kissing her palm, and whispers, "I dreamt I lost you." His voice breaks through the words, and she can feel how ashamed he is to admit it even without him telling her.

"I'm right here," she says, running her fingers through his dark hair. "I'm not going anywhere." Her heart aches for him, and she swirls soothing circles into his skin, writing their symbol for 'I love you' over and over again. The stark dichotomy between how they acted when alone and how they acted in the office always made Riza marvel. Never in a million years would they risk being in each other's' arms while on the job, no matter what they felt, but in moments like these, Riza knows that they both desperately need the evidence of the other's existence.

"Please, just… hold me," Roy whimpers, and it makes Riza's heart crumble. "Whimper" was never a word that she would associate with Roy. Roy was always very careful with whom he shared his emotions, and he never allowed his vulnerable side to be shown in front of people he didn't trust explicitly with everything. His unfailing resolve and determination always kept him afloat, and he stood out in Riza's mind as the strongest man she knew.

But even the strongest could break sometimes.

Riza wraps her arms around him, and he holds onto her like she is the last light left in the world. His soaked clothes cling to her dry ones in their embrace, but Riza doesn't care. She feels him crying again, and his sobs are barely suppressed. His vulnerability brings all her walls crumbling down, and she allows him in with no questions. "I'm here, love. I'm here," she murmurs, rubbing his back. A chill passes from him to her as he shivers, and she presses soft kisses to the sides of his neck and face in an attempt to comfort him. Her fingers move against his shoulders, the small of his back, and his sides, delicately signing 'I love you', 'I need you,' and 'you are my light'.

"Come on, love. You need some dry clothes or you'll catch a cold," she says softly. Roy lifts his head from its spot on her shoulder, and when Riza sees the exhaustion in his face, she falters. Deep grey bags hang under his eyes, which are red and bloodshot from lack of sleep and crying. Riza kisses his eyelids gently, and she feels another quiet sob come from him. The dread and brokenness that radiates from him scares her a little; usually Roy would be able to regain some sense of normalcy after a half hour or so. But this time was different; he seemed to be mired in a deep depression that Riza hadn't seen since Hughes died.

She takes his hand and presses a kiss to the healing scar there before twining her fingers in his. Gently she leads him to her bedroom, and fishes out a dry set of clothes for him. They had formed quite the habit of leaving extra clothes at the other's apartment for times like these. Roy sits on the bed quietly, and Riza knows he is beginning to feel numb. Every part of her wants to heal his psychological wounds with words of love, but she knows that words alone will not help. "Get changed. I'll be right back, I promise."

A few minutes later, Riza returns to her room with warm mugs of hot chocolate. She knows that hot chocolate is Roy's favorite, and if her words and presence alone couldn't anchor Roy, hot chocolate could certainly help. She allows herself a small smile when she sees that Roy is already curled up on what has become his side of the bed, waiting for her patiently. Riza places Roy's mug in his hands, and a ghost of a smile crosses his face when he recognizes what it is. "Thank you, Riza," he mutters, taking a sip. Riza doesn't know how he can drink scalding hot beverages right off the bat, but he _was_ the Flame Alchemist, after all.

Before long, both of their mugs are empty, and the main thing keeping them warm is their proximity to one another. Though Roy's emotions seem to be less turbulent now, Riza still knows he's mourning and grieving because of the pain he feels. She holds him gently as they lay together, and his fingers roam across her skin. The symbols she knows and loves seem to sink deep into her shoulders, her neck, her arms. Despite Roy's pain he is incredibly gentle, and Riza can't help but love him all the more for his vulnerability.

Through the night they hold one another, warding off the nightmares as they come. The feeling of being in one another's arms lulls them into a beautiful sense of safety. Sweet tranquility eventually descends upon them both, washing away their pain and worry. Riza knows that the nightmares will still come, and the pain will always be there, but with Roy, she knows she will be able to bear it.

"Stay with me?" she asks him softly.

"I'd follow you into hell if it meant staying with you."


End file.
